Happy New Year!
December was a bit of a write off for me. My absolute world came crashing down the day the surgeon gave me ‘3 months’ till I would have to say goodbye to my little pup.
As the days went on she deteriorated rapidly but I thought maybe I could at least keep her until Christmas…..instead I had to bring the date forward to 13th December.
The days that followed were somber and I still can’t believe she has gone. 2014 has been hard to say the least. I have never felt so alone. Firstly losing my grandma, then my depression and debt spiralled and then finally having to make the decision on my pooch…she was my family, my rock, my baby, my best friend.
However, in this deep, dark hole the past few weeks something in me has changed. I have realised that this has all happened for a reason and for the first time I feel that I am in control of my life again.
It sounds cheesy but rather than curling up under my duvet and crying I have decided that I need to sort my life out and start taking responsibility for my actions! I am thirty THIS year and need to stop feeling like I have lost control as one bad thing after another happens. I need to stop being a victim of life.
So this year 2015 things are going to change! I tried to keep within budget but with crazy vet bills I am pretty poor (no change there). However my attitude and actions leading up to 2015 changed:
I asked my friend who once trained to be a hairdresser if she could cut my hair off. I now have a smart long bob instead of long scraggly hair, I bought hair dye and died my gray roots (yes I have been going gray since I was 18).
I have painted my nails and am wearing make up again. These all sound like small things but they are making me feel better and more positive.
I have decided that if I don’t have anything nice to say I will keep quiet. No more irritable bitching I am not even allowed to think it. When someone knocks into me on the tube, when someone does something hurtful I will tell them (if it’s a friend etc) that I am upset but no more snide remarks or wasting my time being upset or annoyed by someone else’s actions. I am looking to the positives starting now.
With my new look and new mindset I am working hard to change things. I am not going to win the lottery, I am not going to find a bundle of money pushed through my letter box one morning but I am going to start working hard to get where I want to be in life.
I used to say ‘one day’ to the dog…..one day when I buy a house, one day when I have the perfect job, one day when I am not in debt….well she never got to see that ‘one day’ and so I am making sure that I never take anything for granted again and that I am always aware that the end is never too far away. I lost too much of my time with her cause I was always chasing something and she sat by my side the whole time waiting patiently for my attention. So this year I am doing it all for her!
I will get my perfect job, one that is permanent and career driven (my current contract finishes end of Jan)
I will pay off all my debt (£13k)
I will have the beginnings of my house deposit (£6k+)
I will celebrate my 30th happier and proud of my achievements (May)
I will have a £2k emergency fund
I will stop living payday to payday
I will start being more positive and stop punishing myself for getting into debt, not being where I want to be in life and putting too much pressure on myself
I will go to the gym 3 times a week at least (it’s free with my job currently but if not with my new one then will try to run 3 times a week)
I will take better care of myself (hair cut etc) however not to pay expensive hairdressers, beauty therapists
These are a lot of resolutions but I believe easily achievable and will all contribute to helping me save money, keep me fit, healthy and subsequently happy.
My depression is still there but given all I have been through with my dog I haven’t once thought about ending it myself. Which is a big breakthrough. In fact it has made me more sure I want to continue in life and prove I can achieve all the things I said I can do.
Here’s to a positive 2015!! Where things are really set to change, debt to be erased and my life to really start again…on the right foot!
Look forward to achieving our resolutions together fellow bloggers and readers. I know we can all do it!!!!